What does “processing emotions” mean anyway?

What does it mean to “process” your emotions?

The phrase “process your emotions” is one of those phrases that is immediately recognizable and seemingly understood, yet when it comes down to explaining what it means, we might find ourselves stuck!

Let’s take a look at what “processing” even means

To understand what is meant by processing emotions, I like to first think about what is meant by the word “processing.” To process, as defined in the Oxford dictionary, is to “perform a series of mechanical or chemical operations on (something) in order to change or preserve it.”

What I love about this definition is that it points to the reason for performing those operations, which is to change or preserve something.

And in terms of emotions, this means…

Processing our emotions means actively recalling a memory or thinking about an idea or concept (like, “my relationship to finances”) that creates a difficult or challenging emotional state, and learning how to change that emotion through a variety of contemplative, energetic and body-based techniques.

Recalling a memory is like opening up a file

Let’s think about memory – whenever we recall something, we are essentially opening the file of that experience in our mind (an “operation”), and either preserving or changing the meaning of the memory. We often preserve our memories – we might recall a memory with our parents, for example, and we feel and think the same way about it that we always have. Then, the memory gets “put away” and it remains unchanged – we essentially just reinforced our same thoughts and feelings about it.

But we can change what is in the file

Maybe we decide to change the memory – meaning, we open the file the memory is in and add new information to it before putting it back.

Say we had had an experience of being very uncomfortable at a big party, and attributed this to our shyness, social anxiety, and introvertedness. Over time, we may have had many of these experiences and many memories that all reinforce the same idea. Now, whenever we recall the idea of being at a big party, we immediately feel some dread, anxiousness, and the desire to avoid it.

And let’s say we wanted to process our emotions around “being at a big party” differently. Maybe we start learning about self-compassion, and we realize that we tend not to give ourselves loving attention while we are preparing for an event. Maybe we slow down with our cognitive processing and start to unpack all the underlying beliefs that we are carrying with us, like, “People think I’m less valuable socially because I am an introvert,” and decide we want to change them. Maybe we practice noticing how the feeling sits in our body, and we practice acceptance of the feeling, and we have a realization that the feeling itself isn’t going to overwhelm us and that we can survive it. Maybe we start remembering all the ways that we belong, contemplating that our very existence means that we belong, and it might even seem life-affirming to be surrounded by a bunch of people.

Although there are many ways to create change during the recalling process, all of it leads to thinking and feeling differently about the same situation.

Processing our emotions means using a variety of strategies to think and feel differently about the same situation, memory or concept.

It means we will go from a state of confusion to a state of clarity.

It means we will go from perceiving a muddled ball to an understanding of individual parts.

It means we will go from a state of “stuck” to one of flow.

It means we will go from an active, negatively charged feeling to one of calm, centered release.

It means we will go from a state of resistance to one of acceptance.

It means that we go from habitually thinking and feeling the same way, to opening up to new possibilities.

It means we will go from a state of holding on to a state of letting go.

It means we will go from a state of powerlessness to one of empowerment.