How to Make the Most of Therapy In Between Sessions

The therapy hour is wonderful. We can dive deep, reflect and have new emotional experiences, all with the support and guidance of our therapist. But this is only one hour, and we want to make sure that we are benefitting during the rest of the week too! So, how do we take advantage of all the time that occurs in between sessions?

I like to think of therapy sessions being similar to a training session at the gym: it’s great if you practice your strength-training while at the gym with a trainer, but if you completely forget about your health and activity level for the rest of the week, are you really reaping the benefits of a healthier lifestyle and stronger body? Likely not.

Likewise, in therapy, it’s wonderful to be able to practice self-reflection while you are in the therapy session, but if you don’t bring that awareness into the time in between sessions, your progress towards your goals will be slow.

The first couple sessions of therapy may involve a lot of questions on the part of the therapist. The therapist will be assessing different areas of your life with the intention of fully understanding your experience of what the “problem” is.

One of the things that your therapist and you will do together is to identify your goals. This is something that can be woven throughout a therapeutic relationship and doesn’t have to only occur in the beginning. If you are coming to therapy because you feel anxious all the time, for example, one of your goals might broadly be to “reduce anxiety.” Later on, you may realize that most of your anxiety is concentrated around self-image and not feeling capable, and that what you really want is to feel more confident at work and in relationships.

Your therapist may help you notice patterns of reactivity, understand how your history could be contributing to the pattern, develop self-compassion, and come to have corrective emotional experiences that allow you to feel connected to others rather than disconnected and fearful. Your therapist may provide you with practical tools, helpful and empowering knowledge, and create a safe space for connecting deeply with your emotions and having new relational experiences.

And this is all wonderful when it happens during your one hour together during the week, but for therapy to be truly effective, you must also have changes that occur outside of therapy, in your day-to-day life. That is, after all, where most of your life is being lived!

So how do we take advantage of the time in between sessions and make the most of the therapy hour?

Here are six practical suggestions:

Record your day through journaling

• Journal about things that come up for you during the week. Maybe at the end of each day, jot down some notes about how the day went. It could even be bullet points written in the Notes App of your phone. Notice what went well and what didn’t go as well as you had hoped.

Take time to review experiences that didn’t go well and contemplate them

• When a conflict or painful experience occurs, later on when you are feeling more relaxed, ask yourself: How did I want to handle that situation? What really happened instead? What was the outcome? Can I identify different parts of me and what each part wanted in that situation?

Anticipate your therapist’s response or guidance 

• Imagine what your therapist might tell you, were you to share about something difficult that happened that day.

Try something completely different, just as an experiment, and see what happens

• Try something different. Be open to the possibility that as you experience change in your life, you may find there are opportunities to do things a little differently. Try them and see what happens.

Remind yourself of your goals, over and over

• Keep coming back to your goals throughout the week. What brought you to therapy in the first place? If one of your goals is to feel less depressed, contemplate: in any given moment, what seems to be in the way of achieving that goal? Where is the depression when you check in with yourself during the week? You may realize certain thoughts or feelings that are always there, or you may come to realize there are some moments when you aren’t depressed and that can also be useful to know.

Notice the wins

• In addition to recognizing problems or struggles, make sure to notice when things are going well. It’s common to be making small, positive changes without even realizing it, and we miss out on opportunities to feel satisfied with our progress. Your therapist can be a cheerleader, delight in your joy and help integrate new insights.

Engaging the reflections above can help you take advantage of the space in between sessions and support your change process. It can also help to clarify those areas of stuckness in your own life. If you keep in mind that therapy is all about providing a resource for you to experience desired change, then coming into therapy saying, “Hey, this is exactly where I get stuck,” can help you to make the most of therapy, both inside and outside of sessions.