10 Do’s and Don’ts to Make the Most Out of Therapy

As clients, the way we think about therapy is going to help or hinder us make the most of our experience. It is important that you feel empowered to approach therapy in a way that makes the therapy hour more effective for you. I hope this article can give you some helpful tips about ways that you can harness all of what therapy has to offer you.

1. Do think about therapy outside of therapy sessions.

I would recommend keeping a running document that you can refer back to, where you not only process what you talked about during the last therapy session, but where you can also jot down things that you’d like to bring up in future sessions. While this isn’t necessary, it can really help you track your own progress and monitor more closely where you keep getting stuck. 

2. Don’t assume therapy is going to be a “quick fix.”

If a problem took years to develop and maintain, the solution to that problem is not going to happen in 2 or 3 weeks. Be willing and open to embrace the pace of your change process. That being said, the next “do” is also very important.

3. Do expect some results relatively quickly.

I’m not saying that you should expect to be “done” with therapy relatively quickly, but you should expect to see some sort of positive progress within several weeks of seeing your new therapist. If not, it warrants a conversation with your therapist. It’s possible that your therapist is seeing change that you hadn’t registered, and having a conversation about progress may actually put you in better spirits when understanding that you are moving towards the improvements you want to see. Or, it may result in discussing ways that your therapist can adjust their approach to better support you in therapy. Either way, it’s a win.  

4. Don’t forget that you are the expert of your life.

Your therapist, while armed with lots of knowledge and experience relating to the human mind and its function, does not inherently know the intricacies of your life. If your therapist says something that doesn’t resonate with you, don’t take that as an indication that you are doing something wrong or that your therapist is bad, let them know that it didn’t resonate. Any decent therapist will be happy to have this feedback and ideally it should help them to understand you better. 

5. Do remind yourself of your goals, often.

An unfortunately common experience in therapy is forgetting to anchor ourselves in the goal that we want to experience. This can result in talking about a problem or symptom ad nauseum, without recalling that are actually trying to 4 We don’t need to rigidly hold onto the same goal, that can change as we go along, but being able to state to ourselves, “I want to think more positive thoughts about myself,” and return to this over and over will help us determine if we are seeing the change we want.

6. Don’t believe your therapist is going to do it for you.

Unless you are seeing a Psychiatrist for a medication evaluation, there is nothing your therapist can do for you or give you that will cause change in your life without you being the very agent of that change. Similar to hiring a nature guide that is going to take you on a hike, the therapist accompanies you, guides you, and helps you navigate inner landscapes, but the therapist is not going to do the healing on your behalf. That is out of the realm of human possibility. This is exciting news though! It means that you are an incredibly capable being and already have what is needed within you to heal and change. Any change you make, you know that you created that change.

7. Do find ways to feel good about the fact that you are going to therapy.

The very effort of seeking a therapist sends a huge message to yourself that you are seeking change and improvement. You should feel really, really good about doing something like that for yourself. Start to notice when you take steps in directions that communicate care, self-worth, and self-love. 

8. Don’t forget to check in with your body during therapy.

It’s common to tense up, talk fast, hold our breath, or avoid eye contact, specifically when we are speaking about vulnerable material. Don’t be afraid to take a beat during the therapy session and check in to how you are feeling. It can be incredibly healing and empowering to slow down, take a deep breath, and explore your vulnerabilities with a bit more intention. The very process of therapy is healing and supports change. This is one of the ways you can harness and accelerate change.

9. Do be consistent.

Whether you are going to therapy once a week, twice a week, once every 2 weeks, or once a month, try to be consistent in showing up for your sessions. What this does is that it helps you get in the habit of regularly considering and valuing your mental health. One of the amazing byproducts of engaging with a therapist is that it forces you to practice confronting your emotions, inner experience, fears, hopes, and mindset. When you do this on a regular basis, it becomes more of a practiced skill that you take with you wherever you go.

10. Don’t give up hope.

I always tell my clients, I wouldn’t be doing this job if I didn’t believe in our capacity for healing and change. Try to cultivate a great sense of hope in that capacity which is unequivocally part of you.